Beautiful

I am currently listening to Passenger's song, Let Her Go. I really like this song because it tells me a lot of things about life - things that I have just ignored, things that I regret losing because I never realized their worth while they're all with me, things that I have left unnoticed because I was too busy with other things, with other people.

I have been too busy being a critic of my own self - I always thought that I can't be any better. I feel like I am too fat and too ugly to be noticed. For almost a decade, that's what I was thinking. I was always busy comparing myself to other girls who are a lot skinnier and a lot prettier than me. I always hope that someday, I can be like them too. I hate it when my friends and siblings will tag me to pictures where my double chin's showing up, when my tummy wants to get a place on the picture too - really hate at and it's too tiring. It's too tiring to be embarrassed all the time and to think about what other people would think about me. When it  really gets too tiring to compare myself to other girls, I just want to shut myself up from the world and deactivate all of my social media accounts that tie me to those insecurities that consume me. It's too tiring to hear that I am not beautiful, that I am fat, that I am just hopeless. At least hearing them from people closest to my heart hurts me because I know their jokes contain the truth.

I love many people, I love my friends, I love my family, but I just realized that I have never learned to love myself, not until now.

My younger sister always tells me that I am beautiful and she is always proud to tell everyone that her Ate (older sister) is really pretty. She tells me all the time that I am sexy and whenever she feels like I feel bad about myself, she will always try to lift my spirits up and do my hair and make-up. I realized that I shouldn't feel bad about myself because I am not physically attractive - but I should feel bad for making my sister feel bad because I feel bad about myself. Not only my sister, but my mom too. When my Mama was still alive, she will always tell me that her daughter is a jewel and she is really pretty. I like it when she tells me that she didn't want me to get skinny because I will be less "huggable." Lol. I feel bad. But whenever I think about my mother and my sister who always believe on the beauty that I have in my heart, it makes me feel more beautiful.

My sister (left) and I (right). :)

This New Year 2014, one of the resolutions that I am slowly trying to achieve is to accept myself for who and what I really am. It's not that easy because this is the first time in my life that I am learning to accept myself and my imperfections. It's not that easy though to admit all of my insecurities but I feel that I should let them out through this blog so that one day, if I will feel bad about myself again, I will read this to myself and be reminded of how beautiful I really am... that I am more than what I think I am. :))

No one's really ugly, it's just a thought people have within themselves. Learning to accept yourself will make you happier... and eventually, be more beautiful like flowers. :) Negative thoughts... let me go. :)

Well you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you love her when you let her go 

 Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home 
Only know you love her when you let her go 
And you let her go